Feminism, Mental Health, Opinion, Thirties

Nude

I want to take my clothes off.

I want to feel the sun and the breeze touching every part of me. I want it to wrap its tendrils through my pubic hair, caress my thighs, and kiss my breasts. Not because they are sexual, and not for any form of sexual gratification, but because I want my entire body to know the warmth of the sun and there are facets of me that have never met it.

I have lived on this earth for almost 33 years and for those 33 years I have placed in bondage my body for fear of unintentionally arousing others or unintentionally disturbing them. I have worked so hard to lead others not into temptation, while being so tempted to thank my maker themself for such a blissful existence as my own…as a human.

Every inch of me, each capillary and sweat gland is finely tuned and delicately balanced. I look up and see a star so captivating that we can’t help but dance around it and I think…my God…giving myself, my body, raw and unfettered, to the sun would be the greatest worship I could exude.

My soul is in a great exodus of my body and I have been since the day I was born. I am every second preparing to leave this place and when I do I will never again have this hair, this stomach, these arms, these legs, and I’m hiding it all away from the one who made me because of what someone else might say, or think, or feel.

Like Eve I’m ashamed to stand naked before the one who loves me most of all, simply because they made me as I am and I am imperfect compared to them. I’m crouching behind bushes, and shrubs, and religions, and arguments, and justifications. Deep down, however, I just want to walk again with God, just as I was the day they watched my soul arrive.

I want to be naked. Even if you want me not to be.

Caring for the downfalls, shortcomings, and flaws of others is noble, but I can not protect you from your own insecurities and your own indoctrination. I can barely protect myself from those very same things so I have two choices: spend the next almost 33 years trying to keep doing what I’ve always failed to do…

Or take my clothes off. And be completely, authentically, unapologetically…myself.

And grateful to God for creating me thus.

I choose the latter.

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